Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
