Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
