Welp...herpes.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
