he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
