My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
