just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
