At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
