he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
