i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
