then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
