is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
PANTIES FOUND
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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