i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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