kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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