I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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