sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
