There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Small penises have feelings too.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I need moral support for this bender
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
