i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
