woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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