using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize