a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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