You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
