At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
