i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
