Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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