omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
