i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize