At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
