You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
