I wish I could teleport
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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