if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
