Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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