I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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