He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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