You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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