the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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