Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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