I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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