well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
