He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
