Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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