Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
