pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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