She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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