how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We have started to decorate penises.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
