I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
