Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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