just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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