I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
