what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
