my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
