He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
