I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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