Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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