probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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