who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
only you would photoshop your dick
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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