Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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