Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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