Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
