i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
