FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
