So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
