She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
