Pappa wants mamma naked
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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