I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
