So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
